So, as part of my diet, I've been running a lot. Today was my longest run in 10 years.
It would have been a bit longer except that my nipples were chafed to death. Apparently this is a very common problem.
I think I have found a solution.
Warning: This post has been approved (and laughed at) by the Silly Witch. However, the Silly Witch and I would like to recommend that, if you are the sort of person who is offended by buttocks and the like (as we are not), you probably don't want to click on the link. You know who you are.