Saturday, June 19, 2010

Stacy

It's been over five years now since Stacy left us. That means we've been without her nearly as long has we had her. Thinking of her makes me happy. I'm so grateful she taught me how to be a woman, a mother, and that she introduced me to the world anew. Children are so aware of their surroundings, sensing all the things we've taught ourselves to ignore so we can concentrate on our tasks. Stacy was my first, and when Stacy was born, she resurrected in me the ability to enjoy simple things, the wind in my hair, sand between my toes, the warm furry body of a puppy, and the brightness of the color pink. I miss her.
This is Stacy, 14 months old, singing primary songs with me. She was amazing for her age, able to climb ladders on the playground, sing songs, and say tons of words, though I was the only one who could completely understand her toddler pronunciation.
This is Stacy when she was nearly 2 at my parent's house in a dress that Mom made for her. She called the dress her nursery dress. She loved nursery, but sometimes the boys would pick on her and pull her pigtails. She would cry and run to the nursery leader saying, "I need a tissue."
This is Stacy when she was 2, I think. I chose this picture because all eyes are on her. The first grandchild on both sides, she had many eyes on her. She would also catch eyes wherever we went. "What a beautiful child! Her eyes, so blue! Her hair, so beautiful!" Indeed this is true.
This is Stacy with her Auntie Lisa on her wedding day. She was 2 1/2 years old. I remember peaking in as Grandma Sue knelt down in prayer with her at the end of this day. "I'm thankful that I got to see Lisa in her pwitty dwess..." We were thankful she was there to entertain us and show us how to enjoy sparkling cider.
Yes, that's her, licking the inside of the glass. She really made us laugh.
This is a picture of Stacy in our New York apartment when she was four years old. Notice that her friend is wearing the pink princess dress, all the feather boas, a fun scrap of fabric and Stacy's Winnie the Pooh sunglasses. Stacy liked to share her things (most of the time) with her friends and her little sister. She's a good kid.
We spent many days walking along Riverside Park in NYC in all kinds of weather. Stacy walked very slowly. The kids would get SO dirty. They loved living there. So did I. Stacy's nearly 5 in this picture.
This is one of my favorite family pictures. Kristy took it when she was on her mission. Her mission president allowed us to visit her. That visit was the last time she ever saw Stacy.
This was a picture from Stacy's last visit to Montana.
We visited Stacy's grave while we were in UT this past week. I was overwhelmed by the pain I still feel. But we're all just moving forward.

16 comments:

Jaime said...

Thank you for this post and so many lovely pictures. She is and always will be so bright in my memory. I still remember the first time I met Stacy when she was just 2 yrs old - looking at me with her head cocked to the side. What a good listener, I remember thinking. She is an angel - she truly is. Little Stacy and Becca helped ignite the desire within me to be a mother. Five years is more than enough time to make a HUGE impact on so many people. We love you Stacy! Watch over us Stacy! And, we love you Maren!

Amberly said...

I loved the pictures and the memories associated with them. She was an amazing little spirit who was able to make such an impact in such a short time on earth. You know she's doing amazing work where she is now, still sharing, taking her time to enjoy beauty and making people laugh. this was a beautiful post.

tenacious d said...

Maren, you are amazing and strong and so blessed to have been able to be with this sweet kid. My most indelible mental picture of Stacy is the one that was in the ward directory, where she is completely, luxuriously asleep in her dad's arms. She obviously had lived that morning to the fullest and was recharging.

Nancy said...

Thanks for the pictures, Maren. What a beautiful little girl, and I know you can't wait to find out what she's been up to while she's been gone.

I remember one time Brad and I were babysitting Stacy in New York. We were putting together this giant train track on your living room floor, and Stacy insisted that it look exactly like the picture on the box. Not one bridge or track out of place. She made us laugh.

Jess said...

This last Sunday we were sitting on the back middle row at church, and a newly married couple dared to share a bench with us and our craziness. It reminded me of how Dave and I love to sit next to you at church in NY so we could be by Stacy and Becca. I imagine it will always hurt, even though your life is good. "She will always be young, she will always be beautiful."

Misty said...

I still miss Stacy too. Such a sweetheart, indeed.

That first picture of her is too, too adorable. I would have to agree Maren that Stacy made me appreciate the small things too.

Tiffany W. said...

What a beautiful little girl. I can't imagine the pain you must feel... I am sorry. She sounds perfect!

Jan said...

Maren, thank you for sharing these beautiful pictures and sweet memories. I love seeing this precious girl of yours that I did not have the pleasure of knowing. My heart aches for your loss and I hope you know that I care deeply. You are a dear friend. I look forward to you returning from your vacation. I miss you!

Jan said...

P.S. I really like your hair long like in these pictures. I had forgotten what it looks like longer. :)

Shelly said...

Thanks for the beautiful thoughts Maren. I remember Kendall and I teaching Stacy in Sunbeams. She was SO anxious to learn, and always wanted to sit by me in primary. It made my day. It is so neat reading all the comments from friends back in NYC. I really didn't know that many kids there because Kendall and I didn't have any yet, but Stacy was a kid that everyone seemed to know. She was magnetic.

Sheralie said...

I imagine that pain will never completely leave in this life. And how could it not? For she and the mother-you were born together. "The moment a child is born," said the Indian mystic Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, "the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." I look forward to meeting Stacy someday.

Sheralie said...

ps. My favorite two photos are of Stacy in the field of grass, and your family photo. Yet all of them are tender.

Lisa said...

I love her. Thanks for doing all the hard stuff so that you could share her with us.

Deanna said...

Thank you for sharing and remembering Stacy with us. She certainly is an Angel. I also want to thank you for always reminding me to cherish each moment with our children. There are moments when I begin to have self pity and then am reminded of your sweet posts of all of your children. You are an amazing mother and an example to us all. Thank you. I love the photos in this post. She was adorable in so many ways.

rebecca said...

Maren- I just read this post about Stacy and looked at all the beautiful pictures you posted of her. She really was a beautiful little girl. I am tearing as I write this - you are an amazing person and I too am grateful that you shared this with all of us. Our children really are a gift and this has reminded me to treasure them always.

Anonymous said...

Gpa here. You should know that on occasion I have been known to get lunch and visit that hillside in Midway and "eat lunch with Stacy", leaving some sweets behind. I know that Sue is there often also. Sometimes we go together, visiting and making sure things are OK. At times there appear things next to her headstone that we cannot account for. Her leaving affected so many people and it is something I do not beleive I/We can ever be well with in this life. I can only feel lucky as a Gpa to have been a small part of her life. On of the highlights of my life was the day we played with balloons, and she wore my helmet around. Truly those memories are a gift.