Saturday, July 19, 2008

A Word from Everybody's Favorite Unauthorized Guest Blogger - The Warlock's Vacation

Sometimes, despite all the warm fuzzies that we married men tell our wives that we get from the whole nuzzling/caring/watching Jane Eyre instead of the NBA Playoffs marriagegig, it's nice to be a bachelor.

Last Saturday, I did some minor routine maintenance on my car in the hope that in preparation for the Witch's trip to Montana. After a lecture or two about the importance of checking oil (she didn't listen, by the way), she was off, and Dog (my name for the dog) and I were left home alone. For a month. With no supervision and a credit card.

I could say that I've been struggling with the wife and kids gone. I could also tell the Witch that I actually enjoy the collected 250 gazillion hours of estrogen-infused British Jane Austen cinema, but it wouldn't be any more believable.

Okay, I do miss the kids and the missus, but they're only gone a month, and in the meantime I can do all the stuff I'd never do when they were home. Like turn up Rock Band on my home theater until I'm afraid my eardrums will spontaneously combust. And then turn on the subwoofer extra loud to see if I can make my shoes bounce off the floor before the neighbors call. Or fall asleep on the couch watching movies every night. Or order pizza and not worry about the leftovers getting eaten by somebody who does not understand that they would lose a hand for such a crime, if only I could catch them in the act.

I can also get a ton of stuff around the house done. I did not realize how easy it is to keep a house clean and tidy - when you are the only one in it. I've actually undertaken a project or two to keep myself entertained because all I need to do is vacuum here and there and do a load of dishes once a week or so. Nothing to it. Obviously it's much different with a couple of kids around when you're home most of the day, but I'm gone most of the day and I make Dog (who was smart enough to try to attack a functioning lawnmower this morning) stay outside.

I think I'll host a block party next Friday. Maybe go really crazy and get two or three kegs of Diet Dr. Pepper (they'll match the case I picked up at Costco today).


The Silly Witch said...

Everyone can tell you are just pining away without us. We miss you, too... For the record, I have never so much as even suggested that you watch Jane Eyre. And I think cases of Dr. Pepper are evil--especially because you refuse to recycle.

Prudence said...

I love your relationship! You are both so witty! Definitely a match made in heaven.

Lisa said...

I am glad you aren't spending your evening feeling your pillow full of tears!

Jecca Lee Ivie Johnson said...

Warlock, I can totally see you pulling of a "risky business" moment in your white shirt and undies now that you are a bachelor! But I give it a week and you will be crying yourself to sleep on your huge pilla because you are missing your little fam!

Pete said...

Good grief. Are you still living the bachelor life? I had a month of bachelor life here in DC and I thought it stunk. Of course you are on your home turf and in your own house, whereas I was in a corporate apartment in a new city, so maybe that was the difference.