Friday, October 01, 2010
I'm busy lately, too busy. I spend a lot of time in the car. I go from preschool drop to home. I clean and clean and feed kids and clean some more, never finding and end to the cleaning and the feeding. I exercise a little, but wish I could exercise more. I also discipline the children, usually as I clean. They hate it when I clean and cook, and would be much happier if I could give them my undivided attention always. I read a little, but I wish I could read more. I also play with the kids. They wish I could play more. We have fun together. When Bardo came home from preschool yesterday he was exhausted and put himself straight to bed. While he was sleeping, I opened his folder to find his name, written by his own hand, on a weekly reader. It was very cute, each letter made so perfectly, so deliberately, but with an upside-down U. I remember when Stacy wrote her name for the first time. I was standing next to the door in our NYC apartment. Stacy, age 3, rushed up to me so very very pleased with herself. She had written her name on her pink IKEA piggy bank. The letters weren't formed in a straight line, but written spread out, all over the back of that pink pig. I didn't care. I shed a tear of joy, mostly because she was so excited, and I loved her so much. Yesterday was volleyball day. Boo, Pippi and I ate dinner at 4 p.m., panini, Stacy's own recipe. I packed Bardo a lunch, pulled him out of bed, and put him in the car. He only protested a little. Boo was thrilled to be out of the stroller as I coached. She did get hit by a ball, but didn't cry at all. As I coached the girls I watched little Boo go sit on the other mothers' laps. They wrapped her in their arms because she's so irresistable. Does that remind you of anyone? Of course, Stacy! Stacy had many many mother-friends. Some of them weren't mothers yet, but they are now. You know who you are. After volleyball practice, we came home, fed the Warlock a panini, and then quickly got the children ready for bed. I rushed off to book club and bonded with the girls. It was a good day, the fifth anniversary of Stacy's passing.