Friday, October 01, 2010

Yesterday

I'm busy lately, too busy. I spend a lot of time in the car. I go from preschool drop to home. I clean and clean and feed kids and clean some more, never finding and end to the cleaning and the feeding. I exercise a little, but wish I could exercise more. I also discipline the children, usually as I clean. They hate it when I clean and cook, and would be much happier if I could give them my undivided attention always. I read a little, but I wish I could read more. I also play with the kids. They wish I could play more. We have fun together. When Bardo came home from preschool yesterday he was exhausted and put himself straight to bed. While he was sleeping, I opened his folder to find his name, written by his own hand, on a weekly reader. It was very cute, each letter made so perfectly, so deliberately, but with an upside-down U. I remember when Stacy wrote her name for the first time. I was standing next to the door in our NYC apartment. Stacy, age 3, rushed up to me so very very pleased with herself. She had written her name on her pink IKEA piggy bank. The letters weren't formed in a straight line, but written spread out, all over the back of that pink pig. I didn't care. I shed a tear of joy, mostly because she was so excited, and I loved her so much. Yesterday was volleyball day. Boo, Pippi and I ate dinner at 4 p.m., panini, Stacy's own recipe. I packed Bardo a lunch, pulled him out of bed, and put him in the car. He only protested a little. Boo was thrilled to be out of the stroller as I coached. She did get hit by a ball, but didn't cry at all. As I coached the girls I watched little Boo go sit on the other mothers' laps. They wrapped her in their arms because she's so irresistable. Does that remind you of anyone? Of course, Stacy! Stacy had many many mother-friends. Some of them weren't mothers yet, but they are now. You know who you are. After volleyball practice, we came home, fed the Warlock a panini, and then quickly got the children ready for bed. I rushed off to book club and bonded with the girls. It was a good day, the fifth anniversary of Stacy's passing.

11 comments:

Amberly said...

I always think of you on the 30th, hoping and yet already knowing that you're feeling peace and gratitude for the time you had with your first precious daughter. I agree that life is too busy when we find ourselves cooking and cleaning at the expense of playtime with our children. Hopefully the fact that we're aware of our actions makes it easier to keep things in perspective. You're good for me in that.

Sheralie said...

I have spent all morning thinking about this post because the last two months have been way too much work and very little reward (playtime with my favorite little people). I am trying to reorder my day - thanks for helping me put my finger on my frustrations....

Prudence said...

Thought of you yesterday too. One of the kids said something about Stacy and we talked about her. They talk about her all the time and it makes me happy, even though they didn't know her at all for some of my kids and only briefly for the others. We always think about you on the 30th and hope you had a happy day.

Melissa said...

I remember almost five years ago, just after you arrived in New Jersey... I met you at dinner with a bunch of other ladies, than that Sunday I talked to you in the church foyer and you told me about losing Stacey. I was struck by your honesty and willingness to tell me (someone you had just met) how sad you were that Pippi didn't have her best friend around anymore. That moment is an experience I will always remember. Though I didn't know Stacey, her life has touched mine. Thanks for your beautiful postings and your beautiful honesty.

Jess said...

It's posted on my calendar as We heart Stacy day. And we love the rest of you too! Glad you had a good, busy, regular day. I can't believe it's been 5 years...I can still remember like it was yesterday.

Sheralie said...

Still thinking about you and Stacy. Time is so strange, feeling like forever and yet not so far away. I feel like I love your Stacy even though I haven't met her -yet-

Lisa said...

Sometimes I wish I never had to cook and clean. I would rather just hug sweet children all day!

Witty said...

Today Mom was commenting on how good Pippi was at playing by herself before her cousin and full-time playmate arrived. Pippi is good at playing by herself, but she loves spending time with others, too. I know she still misses and loves Stacy...and so do I!

Prairie Smoke said...

I am so full of graititude that we know we will see Stacy again. She will know us and we will know her. It would be crushing to be an atheist and lose someone you love.

Tiffany W. said...

XO

Deanna said...

Thank you for sharing. I have always loved your honesty and your willingness to share your feelings about Stacy and motherhood. Your faith and the way you have carried yourself is testament to me of your love of God and your love of Eternal families. We are all so blessed to have the truth. Thank you again for your example.